"Yes" = No
'No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now
"Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later.
"We need to talk" = I need to complain.
"Sure go ahead" = I don't want you to.
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
"You're certainly attentive tonight" = Is sex all you ever think about?
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house.
"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
"Hang the picture there" = NO, I mean hang it there!
"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep.
"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive
"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like.
"I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful.
"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me.
"Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead.]
"Was that the baby?" = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he falls asleep.
"I'm not yelling!" = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is Important.
"The same old thing" = Nothing
"Nothing" = Everything
"Everything" = My PMS is acting up.
"Nothing, really" = It's just that you're such an asshole.
